Judge’s Reports

Please Note: The judges did not see the authors names when they received the entries.

Years 11-12 Judge Stephanie Hammond (second judge, Suraya Dewing)

This section of entries demonstrated maturity in the writing that worked with layers of meaning, foreshadowing, character insight and complex issues. The four placed stories were selected because each story had pace, consistently maintained the correct tense and was structured in a way that took the reader on a journey.

The opening paragraph of Swords and Daggers by Isabel Brennan put the reader in the story immediately with her gaging use of imagery. An example of this is the description of the Huntmaster who wears ‘a mesmerising swirl of pearly cloth’. The reader is carried along with a well-paced description of the fight between Lady Scarlet and Huntmaster. Isabel builds tension through Lady Scarlet’s use of monologue and a minimal use of dialogue. Dialogue is short and precise.

Backscatter by Olive Wadd uses the first person to describe a protest scene and civil disruption. She cleverly uses the device of the narrator’s reflection in a mirror to show how the violence is disturbing the narrator’s values and worldview. She ties this in neatly with a past love and another police officer supposedly maintaining order in a chaotic world.

Dream Girl by Catherine Van der Gulik is a story of a parallel universe where humans each has a guardian angel. A ‘other world’ story like this succeeds if the description is clear and concise. This enables the reader to visualise what the writer wants them to see and calls on strong imaginative prose. Told in the first person the writer draws the reader into her world through vivid description.

A Villain or Not by Ekam Kaur Minhas took an historic figure, Marie Antoinette, and sensitively portrayed her as a young Queen who did not understand the politics of power. Ekam’s first paragraph foreshadows that the story will not end well for the young Queen by placing her in a cell with no light. This was an excellent metaphor for the hopeless situation she was in.

Years 9-10 Judge Stephanie Hammond (second judge, Suraya Dewing)

The entries were broad in their topics with each story well told. We were really impressed by the depth of some of the stories and the sensitivity with which they were told.

Some took us into historical events like the occupation of Parihaka. It was really pleasing to see a topic like this shining a light on events that have not been addressed in the past. Other historical events were covered like the occupation of Europe by Hitler and Marie Antoinette’s time on the throne of France.

A recurring theme was that of cultural differences and it was encouraging to see this topic handled sensitively and with hope that in the future differences will be overcome.

There were also dystopian, murder mystery and futuristic stories. All very clever.

We placed the stories as we did because each one contributed a unique insight or handled a sensitive topic in a creative way.

Here are the points that impressed us:

Followed story structure with a beginning, middle and a conclusion that drew all the aspects of the story together.
The story made sense, characters behaved congruently.
The conclusion gave the reader an insight into the human condition at a deep level.
Technically correct. Tenses were correctly used without the past and present being mixed up.
Characters were developed in such a way that, as readers we could relate to them, believe in them and understand their behaviour.
Description was vivid and we were able to visualise the place even if it was in outer space.
The opening paragraph set the scene and the closing paragraph summarised events.
Evidence of editing and proof reading.

We chose the following to place or to receive a special mention:

First: American Childhood by Sarah Hyatt (Independent).

Second: I didn’t mean to kill him by Poppy Reynolds (Independent)

Third: Unforgiven by Jorja Rowe (Trinity College)

Commended

These entries had many elements similar to those stories that were placed yet lacked certain qualities as outlined below.

A Record of Peace by Camila Barnes – well written but could have spent more time analysing the impact of the event on future generations.

Tractor Rocket by Manaia Batson – not complete, tense sometimes past, sometimes present.

The Thief by Aiana Ilano– clever but conclusion unclear.

Pining for the Past by Kelly Freeman – Event which shaped the story not clear enough.

The BARD by Mali Freeman

Where the crowds once roared by Manaia Scarrow

The Resistance of 2025 by Kaleb Smith

It was a privilege to judge these stories and to experience some of the amazing insights these stories offered. We wish everyone who entered this section all the very best with your writing.

We both agreed the future of storytelling in Aotearoa is in good hands.

Years 7-8 Judge Tessa Duder

Thank you for the sheer pleasure afforded me as reader and judge for this year’s entries from Year 7 and 8.

From the long list of 30, I found thirteen stories that seemed to me really good ‘short reads.’ They mostly had a single well-developed idea, some excellent dialogue and efficient characterisation, and conveyed some sense of the author’s unique voice.

This particularly true in the case of ‘Procrastination’, a clever story about writers’ block, and ‘George and Jerome’, set in a zoo, which bravely stood out as the only comic story in my long list.

I was pleased to note better observance of the basic rules of good paragraphing and punctuation, but felt there was still room for improvement here; in today’s world of fast, easily understood communication, these are necessary self-editing skills.

Also pleasing in my long list was the innate sense of structure, always challenging in storytelling but especially so in the format of very short fiction. Some of the thirteen managed a clever, unexpected twist, but all showed their authors understood how to end a story gracefully and efficiently.

Although these thirteen stories, after much re-reading, had to be ranked, there was really very little between them in originality, engagement and achievement. So, congratulations to those I chose as place-getters and all the authors, with best wishes for your continued writing challenges and successes.

The place-getters

The winner, ‘Procrastination’, by Fleur Dayman told of a girl’s chance observation, how her curiosity and later, responsible action, combined to solve her problem with writers’ block. The point of the story was lightly but effectively conveyed through the characterisation of the girl, Alice,

and the furtive old woman. The classic arc of the storyline – from problem to problem solved – also showed the author’s good understanding of story structure within a restricted format.

The second place-getter, ‘Georgie and Jerome’, Elyse Hale impressed for its droll, understated humour and some excellent dialogue as the kindly giraffe interacts with the grumpy gorilla on the day of a school’s field trip. A sense of menace – the lion Carlos is hungry, and the child curious – underlies the humour. This story, through its snappy sentences and smart observation, succeeded as a good example of comic writing.

The third place-getter, ‘The Final Goodbye’, Eva McLean breathed fresh life into a well-worn theme – young person visiting a dying elderly relative for the last time, unusually in this case a great-grandmother. The narrator’s feelings of dismay and grief, her surprise at seeing the once-glamorous, vibrant woman of her memory reduced to a fragile shell in a hospital bed, were poignantly expressed, the ending a satisfying sense of closure.

Highly commended (no particular order)

The Blood-curdling Forest by Monuia Tonga

Cecily by Daisy Kim

The Pulse by Alexa Winslade

The Mighty Soldier by Annabel Edwards

The Embers of Hope Eternal by Abbey Watson

Commended (no particular order)

The Wild Horse by Lina Kurze

Iron Willed by Nico Fisher

The Trembling Earth by Robert Yang

The Butterfly Shack by Natalya Brow

The Reflection in the Lake by Sophie Dow

Years 5-6 Judge Barbara Else

Barbara has just released a book of short stories: The Pets we have killed

There is a an excellent review: https://www.ketebooks.co.nz/en/reviews/review-the-pets-we-have-killed-by-barbara-else

I was sent 35 stories for Years 5 and 6. Each one has been a joy to read.

Subject matter ranged from school or home events to fairytale or legend, to animal stories, to first chapters of fantasy or science fiction, and a piece of non-fiction.

Each one was definitely worth reading at least twice. All these young writers has a feeling for what makes a good story. I congratulate their teachers for the work and encouragement they must have put in to enable their students to shape these pieces to the standard I saw.

Some were funny, some wise, some full of feeling, some very well-observed with an added twist of unique style and voice.

I found it hard to make a final selection of first, second and third places, two highly commended, and five commended. Each of these ten top stories was read at least five times.

The best stories are well-shaped and come to a strong ending. These ten young writers show intelligence and imagination. Their characters were interesting. There was a sense of meaning in the pieces: they were about important feelings or subjects. The best of all had a strong individual voice or tone: the young writer had pulled the elements of story together as well as adding originality.

Even in the ten best stories there was sometimes, for instance, incorrect punctuation of dialogue or poor paragraphing. However the way each writer gripped me, entertained or moved me, lifted their stories high and some small flaws with the technical details could be forgiven.

First place

A Farm Dog’s Morning by Natalia Keen

Second place

Where Things Appear by Toby Winton

Third place

Secrets of the Yellow Door Ethan Xichen Wo

Highly Commended:(alphabetical order of title)

Speechless by Amalia Berridge

The Story of Hansel and Gretel (as told by Rosarie the so-called Wicked Witch) by Julia Hawes

Commended:(alphabetical order of title)

A Real Hero by Claire Wang

Family of Four by Patrick Zhang

Letting Go by Eva Mitchell

The Nine Stars of Matariki by Margaret Barton Wilson

Tuhinga o mua vs inainei (Past v’s Present) by Hayley Edwards

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First place ‘A Farm Dog’s Morning’

This is believable, well-observed, funny and empathetic. The writer knows dogs and knows the farm life. The story is written in the voice of the dog as the day moves from first thing in the morning to cup of tea time. It has an almost circular structure with clever use of repetition adding charm, energy and humour. The simple authentic language, believably in the way the mind of the farm dog would work, has created a very special piece that I loved more each time I read it. It is everyday and highly imaginative.

It works beautifully if you read it aloud. I tried it. A total delight.

Second place ‘Where Things Appear’

James keeps losing things. His parents are not sympathetic. The story follows James’s school trip to the local dump where the action and description become more and more weird. It is a clever, well structured piece that uses a flashback very successfully. The story ends with a a simple dead-pan pay-off. I loved the believable relationship between James and his parents. This story grew more appealing with each reading.

Third place ‘Secrets of the Yellow Door’

This story uses the common fantasy element of a mysterious door but rises above any standard treatment of that idea. Using the first person voice, the lost traveller finds themself in a beautiful place that offers temporary rest from our world’s chaos. The story is well-shaped, quiet and thoughtful, with an unexpectedly strong effect on the reader. This writer also has impeccable punctuation and paragraphing.

Highly Commended (alphabetical order of title)

‘Speechless’

Harlow has to give a speech at school and suffers terrible stage fright . The reader follows the vivid experience until Harlow has to step on stage. The final moment is about empowerment.

‘The True Story of Hansel and Gretel (as told by Rosarie the so-called Wicked Witch)’

A delightful retelling of the fairytale, in the voice of Rosarie, the so-called wicked witch, who gives her side of what really happened in the Gingerbread House. It is entertaining, with some of the original Brothers Grimm savagery. Very good management of style. I’m sure most readers would be on Rosarie’s side.Terrific.

Commended: (alphabetical order of title)

‘A Real Hero’

A believable portrait of school bullying. The great last line made this one reach the finals.

‘Family of Four’

A well-shaped, simply-written piece about a family that decides to work together. The positive theme is very appealing.

‘Letting Go’

A sword and sorcery saga in which the characters are cats. The main character learns how to get through her grief. There is very good use of the tropes of fantasy. The writer has a strong sense of story shape.

‘Matariki’

A re-telling of the legend of Matariki. Use of repeated words adds to tone and atmosphere.

Tuhinga o mua vs inainei ‘Past v’s Present’

This is non-fiction, an opinion piece about the treatment of Maori. There is a very interesting mind at work here and the author’s voice came across well.

Some problems I noted. Teachers might find this useful — or not!

There were some punctuation glitches, especially with punctuation of dialogue (which can be tricky).

Continuity problems: e.g. in one story two characters burst through a door but a moment later one of them has to come in via a large window.

Management of tenses.

Paragraphing. It might help if the young writers think about how much white space is on the page. Large blocks of print can be harder to read, so …

In one piece, historical facts are not entirely right.

Are the young writers encouraged to read their work aloud to themselves? It’s a very good way to pick up minor problems.

Thank you all so much — to Stylefit and Suraya, to the teachers, and to these young story tellers.

Year 4 Judge Katie Pye

1	30	The Russian revolution by Virat Rane	Great structure, strong writing, audience engagement, author voice, some oversimplification, watch editing
2	11	My first ever goal by Hector Fafra	Fantastic voice, great emotions, simple effective story, but poor editing. Loved the loop back at the end.
3	18	The decision by Stella Santos	More sophisticated writing style and genre, great vocab, good structure, but needed more story development. Grammar is strongest.
HC	16	The curious boy by Josephina Homazabel	Great character development, imaginative story idea, needed a more thorough edit and more satisfying ending – e.g. looping back to the ‘i will show them’

Kapai e te mahi!

Well done everyone. It was a tonne of fun reading your creative entries and very hard to judge!

Every story had strengths, as well as opportunities to improve. Even the winners! So let’s help you out for next year:

Stay within the word limit. Unfortunately, a number of strong entries were immediately disqualified because they didn’t observe the word limit. Whenever you are given a limit in a competition, stick to it.
Submit a full story. If I was judging Best Paragraph, there would have been a different line up of winners. You need a strong introduction, middle, and a satisfying ending, as well as strong writing. Too many wonderful stories missed a middle or had a heavy start and limited words left for their ending. Share the words around!
Paint a picture. Imagine your setting, your character, and your story line. Now, put what you imagine into your story. Stories that gave great descriptions were immediately in my first shortlist. But be warned – make sure your describing words fit! Don’t just throw them in for the sake of it.
Avoid story leaps – As a reader, I like to be walked through the story instead of being jumped from one scene to the next. For example, ‘suddenly’ is a fantastic word but best used with some build up. Use some of your word limit to do that. Dialogue can be a great way to walk your readers along.
For extra flavour, add emotions. I was really delighted every time one of the stories had their characters react to a situation. Give it a go! If the ship is sinking; they’ve found treasure; they’ve discovered an unusual species; or they trip over; weave in some reaction e.g. they jumped back in fright; he stared with surprise; he dug faster and faster. It makes for a much more exciting story!
Edit edit edit. It’s simple, but important. It’s also an easy fix for you! Just go through everything very carefully before pressing submit. As well as checking grammar, check that things in your story are consistent all the way through.

Take a look at your story. Could any of these tips make it stronger? If so, this is going to make judging much, much harder for 2025! 🙂

The following is a report from Chris Else, a judge from last year’s writing competition. He explains why he selected the winner and what he was looking for when he judged the entries.

Judges Report: Stylefit Writing Competition Y5-6 2023

Chris Else

I was impressed with the variety in the stories I saw. The students tackled many different subjects in many different ways. While some stories were clearly based in their writers’ reading and in their experience of other media, everyone gave an individual twist to the material they were dealing with. The result was stories that ranged across genre and varied in tone from light and amusing to dark and dramatic.

What I was looking for in judging the stories, apart from the standard features of good writing — grammar, spelling and punctuation — was the following:

Originality — I wanted to see something in the story that was new, entertaining or surprising
Point of View — I wanted to feel that the writer had imagined themselves into the action of the story so that they could recreate the experience of the characters
Vividness — I was looking for writing that was precise enough to evoke the world of the story and draw me into it
Liveliness — I also gave points to writing that had energy
Balance —- I was looking for a well-shaped story that balanced beginning and end around a strong middle

All these features I found in the winner story Stuck in a Pickle Jar in which the main character finds the tables turned on her when she tries to eat a pickle and finishes up inside the jar instead. The sudden twist from real world kitchen to the fantastic world of the jar made me laugh out loud. Life in the jar is evoked deftly and clearly and the return to the real world nicely managed.

Second place The Diary of Anne Frank was strong on empathy, clearly evoking the experience of a historical figure in a stressful situation.

The San Paulo Forest Fire took third place with its dramatic description of a forest fire out of control and the efforts of the fire firefighters trying to conquer it.The three other short-listed stories — The Door in the Tree, The Winding Willow and Field of Lillies — all showed imaginative and energetic writing. The second treated a dark subject while the other two were comic in tone.

Congratulations to the writers of these stories and well done to everyone who entered the competition.

I hope you all keep on with your writing!

I want your story to be good

By Tessa Duder

Believe me, I want your story to be good! I want it to engage me, make me laugh or feel sad – so that I happily put it in the YES pile for a second/third read and a shot at being shortlisted, and not into the SORRY pile.

First off, your story will look good: submitted before the deadline, no more than the specified word count, in a basic 12 pt font with suitable paragraphs making it easy to read. It won’t have spelling mistakes or odd punctuation. These mechanical things show you understand the rules and take pride in your work.

So, I start reading, really wanting it to be good. I’m looking for a flow of sentences that introduce me to an idea, a few believable characters, a sense of place; especially a tone that quickly gives the reader some idea of whether this is an adventure story, a family story, sci-fi or romance. The best short stories usually develop just one idea or ‘conceit’ that rings true. There’s usually a problem that gets solved. Have you done enough research to set a story in a spaceship or a 19^th century castle, or a modern high school? Write about what you know or can find out.

I want to be impressed by your actual writing, the words you choose. I’m looking for variety in length of sentences, dialogue that reads well out loud, and especially, interesting verbs. English is especially rich in these ‘doing words’. (I use a Thesaurus all the time to find the verb that’s just right.) I hope you’ve read your whole story out loud to yourself, as Katherine Mansfield did, to pick up clunky repetitions.

And I hope that after your first draft you’ve become your own editor, looking for all the unnecessary words you can delete, looking for ways to improve that important opening sentence and the even more telling final sentence.

Send it off knowing it’s the best you can do.

A writer’s most terrifying problem can be …

How to Find the Right Ending

By Barbara Else

Do you have a great idea and rush into writing a story? After a page or two, do you stop with no idea what to put next?

Here’s my trick for getting through those awful moments.

I start to think about my main character. What do they want to gain by the end of the story? Why do they want it? Will you let them get it or not? Where do they live? Who is their family? What sort of friends do they have? Who might they meet? What do they like to do best? What makes them most terrified? I jot down a whole lot of stuff like this even if it seems random. It’s an ideas trap for me to choose from and push the story on to the end.

For example, in my novel The Travelling Restaurant, I wanted my hero to lose his family then find them again. It all had to happen on a sailing ship that was also a restaurant. My bunch of ideas grew to have storms, pirates, a baby sister, a sinister journalist, a whirlpool, a brave boy who didn’t think much of himself. I loved figuring out how to set all the pieces in place.

Let’s say you’re writing an action story.

One good idea gives you the opening piece: oh no, there is some kind of trouble.

The middle bunch of ideas give you chances to write action, anguish and humour for the characters: my character is doing something to get out of trouble!

The final section will be all the ideas coming your great ending: phew, the problem is solved. Or: uh-oh, my character is worse off than ever.

***

How Stick Figures help us make Stellar Stories

By Katie Pye

I hate to brag, but I’m really spectacular at something. Can you guess what it is? Here’s a clue.

Yes, you guessed it. I have a very special talent for creating ridiculous stick figure drawings! But if I am completely honest, even though I struggle to draw, my sketches have been one of my best tools for becoming a great writer. Here’s how they can help you too:

Getting started – Drawing is a great way to start a story without rushing into the writing. For example, drawing our characters helps us to get to know them better. What do they look like? What do they wear? What are their hobbies? Sometimes simply knowing your characters helps you create a story for them!

Mapping Out Your Story – Imagine you’re on an adventure and need a map to guide you. In writing, that map is your storyboard. By sketching out key scenes you can keep your plot exciting and your characters moving through their highs and lows. Don’t worry. Your storyboard doesn’t need to look glamorous. In fact, I’ve drawn ovals instead of people before. It’s just for you – a tool to make writing your story much easier.

Getting Unstuck – Stuck on a part of your story? Draw it out! Sketching a tricky scene can help us see it in a new way. Try it!

Remember, make your story your masterpiece, not your sketches. As you can tell from my Goldilocks and the Three Bears sketch above, I’ve certainly taken that to heart!

Keep writing…and sketching!

Write Many Drafts

By Bronwyn Elsmore

I’ve judged a lot of writing competitions.

I am often surprised that some entrants don’t seem to have fully considered they are competing against all others.

Competitions have rules. For The Great Kiwi Write Off there is a word limit and a deadline. So not too many rules but make sure you follow the few there are.

Otherwise, what I look for is writing that is fresh in outlook, told in a tone and style suitable to the piece.

I look at the story arc – is there an effective beginning and ending, with the content in between leading in some way to the conclusion? This can be in the form of an introduction, middle and summary if it is non-fiction.

Is the characterisation consistent?

Dialogue can help establish and elaborate on a character. But it has be realistic and not long winded. It should move the story on.

I look for work that is free from errors of grammar and fact, and anything that takes the sheen off the writing.

Your first draft is just that – a first draft. There should be many more drafts

Polish your prose. Put it aside for awhile.

Reread and polish again.

Repeat the above steps as many times as necessary till you can’t improve it any more!

Enjoy the process.

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Stop me in my tracks

By Suraya Dewing

I want a story to stop me in my tracks.

I want to say, “Wow, that’s really cool, I never thought of things that way.”

I want the opening to make me curious, so curious I just have to keep reading to the end.

When a writer approaches their topic in a unique way by using an imaginative opening, I am immediately drawn in. When the writer surprises me by crafting great characters they have my full attention. I will care about the characters and want to know what happens to them.
For example, the winning story for the Year 5-6 category last year had a girl end up in a pickle jar while helping her mother. The transition from being in the kitchen to the pickle jar was totally believable. The author achieved that effect by keeping the story simple and using description well.
I almost believed it could happen.